new girl friend. did I do it right?

[daiyoukai]

well Iv been seeing this girl for some time now and today we were sitting on my cough holding each other and kissing on and off and just talking and she tells me Im sexualy enticing and ludges for a kiss. I then tell her that I dont want to do anything right now because Im more interested in her then I am in the sex. She told me that no one ever told her how they feel like that to her and that most guys that talk to her only want sex yada yada yada..... so no sex for me. BUT thats cool, Im sure I can get it when ever but does a girl realy like being told that? It's honest at least, I realy am more interested in her then I am the sex but was that something that could get me in trouble latter on in the relationship? this is my first real relationship and I dont want to screw it up with something stupid I said.

[Ian]

It doesnt sound to bad mate. Honesty is best in all situations (usually). It may be my religious background, but I dont think sex is something to rush into (I believe in waiting till marriage, but most do not and thats fine). Sex is a big step, dont rush into it. I think you made the right decision, and she should respect you for that.

[Outback Bill]

How old are you? :smt017

[daiyoukai]

Iv had sex befor, but never been in a relationship.


now that I got that out of the way Im a 20 year old computer/herp nerd, if I find a girl who will be with me then I better do what I can to keep her (know what Im saying? Im not what you would call a hot commodity in the dating market regaurdless how nice my personality may be). :smt010 :smt005

[KLG]

Iv had sex befor, but never been in a relationship.


now that I got that out of the way Im a 20 year old computer/herp nerd, if I find a girl who will be with me then I better do what I can to keep her (know what Im saying? Im not what you would call a hot commodity in the dating market regaurdless how nice my personality may be). :smt010 :smt005

Ok...but if she's that willing to jump in the sack with you, how willing is she to do the same with anyone else?

I just don't think you should "settle" for whatever comes along just because she's willing to be with you, as you put it.

Just my $.02

K~

[daiyoukai]

Iv had sex befor, but never been in a relationship.


now that I got that out of the way Im a 20 year old computer/herp nerd, if I find a girl who will be with me then I better do what I can to keep her (know what Im saying? Im not what you would call a hot commodity in the dating market regaurdless how nice my personality may be). :smt010 :smt005

Ok...but if she's that willing to jump in the sack with you, how willing is she to do the same with anyone else?

I just don't think you should "settle" for whatever comes along just because she's willing to be with you, as you put it.

Just my $.02

K~

Yeah... I know she doesnt have the greatest past like that. she even told me that she has been with multiple partners (not at the same time) but honestly it doesnt bother me. I personaly wouldnt like to be judged by the number of people Iv slept with and I choose not to do so with others. Im not putting ALL my eggs in one baskit but we do get along realy well and I WOULd like to try to keep the relationship going to become something greater then it is now. She even told me that every other guy she's met has wanted sex from the start and apparently she gave it to at least some. but now is now then is then I always say. everyone hates when the past tries to control your future.

[liljerzeedevil]

ok, ummm, if the other guys shes been with wanted sex, and she gave, then thats probably what she expects from you. That sorta, all she knows? Telling her u want to wait, probably dissilusioned her. Is that the first time she tried to kiss u? Its good u want to wait. Just go with the flow. If shes smart, she'll like what u told her and stay around. If its all new to her, and she just sees herself as an object of sex, then nothing u say will help. She has to have self-esteem. Maybe shes always had sex, to a point, but never really HAD SEX. u know, with love and feelings and all that good stuff. Either way, good luck. Remember, the longer u wait, the more enticing it will be.

[BallPyFan]

I was going to say same thing as jerzeydevil. If she has had that kind of boyfriends that only wanted sex, she may see sex as the only way to keep a guy interested. Just make sure she gets the idea that you are interested in her mind as well as the body. It's fine to cuddle, kiss, neck, and maybe even a little groping so she also feels attractive, but once she gets the idea that you want the total package she may cool her jets. Or, she may just drag you to the bedroom by your hair. If this happens, you will have only 2 choices: go willingly or go fighting LOL

[PadraigC]

Yea heres the key line and problem I see

I know she doesnt have the greatest past like that. she even told me that she has been with multiple partners (not at the same time)

Really you need to understand that there is usually a pattern involved in cases like yours and alot of the time they involve trauma, whether it is sexual, physical or severe emotional and or verbal abuse. Alot of women and Im not generalizing when they finally feel liberated of this cycle turn to something they know that the control(if indeed there has been trauma in the past) most likely females can turn to sex as away of controlling their body, thus controlling their life where as previous to this they had no control over a situation wehter physical or verbal. They no seek out men whon are "sex crazy" because mentally its a way at getting back at who ever the source of trauma in their life was. And its no suprise that if this is the case that she had a weirded out reaction to what you said. Its common occurence(way to common). My rock solid advice to you that if she has stated that she has had trauma in the past my advice woud be to wait a while. with the whole "sex" thing and reccomend therapy if she hasn't already seeked it (your case could be totally different but when I hear that phrase, more times then not it involves this cycle)